Tag: fitfam

Exercising with My Homie J

Leave a comment

If you are anything like me, you have an attention span that is shorter than my natural eyelashes. Meaning, it just does not exist. Because of this, doing cardio on any sort of machine is actually the equivalent to drinking bleach. Not exaggerating whatsoever. Sometimes, I even feel like funneling that bleach right on the elliptical because it is seriously that excruciating.

The only way that I have been able to get through my cardio recently is going to shock everyone. Seriously, take a seat. This advice is coming from the same girl that stumbled into her youth pastor while she was drunk downtown back in her partying days (I would not expect anything else with my luck, honestly). But, this advice has changed the cardio game forever.

You know that Bible app? Ya, the same one my good friend deleted to make room for Tinder (Again, I never claimed to be among saints over here). Well, it turns out that it is the most useful app I own. Shocking, I know.

First of all, you can listen to an audio version of the Bible on this app. Like whaaaa? Technology these days always keeping me young at my ripe, old age of 19. It gets better. You can change the voice to have a British accent. It is basically like you are listening to a cute guy read the verses right in front of Big Ben nomsaynnn’ gals?

Anyways, what I like to do is hop onto one of the cardio machines (lately have been choosing the rowing machine because it feels the most outdoorsy, and I am trying my best to be more granola) and listen. Not listen to music. Not listen to youtube. Not listen to Netflix (although One Tree Hill will ALWAYS be my back-up). Listen to The Word.

What is truly incredible about The Word of God is that it is living. It can LITERALLY change you. And I don’t mean change you into train wreck dumpster fire garbage arugula salad. I mean Jesus has the power to make you alive. Jesus literally turns the dead alive. That always amazes me. Even more than the googley eyes on ice-cream do.

And if you are already Christian, if you have already accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, The Word can help you in your walk, or if you are like me, your extremely slow shuffle with Jesus. There is so much it can do, and I wish I was a nun or something (okay no I don’t, but you get the point), so I could more accurately describe all of its potential.

Please everyone I am begging you all to find a way to let me know what your favorite book of the Bible is so that during my next row down the Nile (also known as the stationary spot facing a brick wall at my gym), I can listen and meditate on it!

I’m Back Bishez

Leave a comment

Ello mates (Yes, I’m Australian now)! It has literally been half a year. How the time flies when you are easily distracted. Recently, I have been receiving a lot of DMs and messages on Instagram regarding recovery, weight gain, etc. Probably because I am so popular and cool lolz. I have come to the realization that I could simply make blog posts about this ish, so my thoughts are a lot clearer and direct when I respond and not thrown together with horrific grammar.

First of all, some people have been commenting on my pictures from literally over a year ago, so I have had the chance to reread my captions from when I was extremely mentally unstable (lolz). I would like to publicly apologize for a lot of what I have posted. Specifying my calories and weight to the public was very ignorant and selfish of me. Coming from years of struggling with various eating disorders, I fully understand how harmful that can be to girls and boys who end up both consciously and subconsciously comparing their intakes and weights to mine. Every single person is so incredibly different. Everyone’s set-point weights are so different. For me to just go about posting this ish for the sole purpose of other people commenting things like “OMG no you’re totally skinny” was so selfish. I am very embarrassed and ashamed because I know better than that. So I am truly sorry to anyone who read those or followed me or even knew me during this time period #imactuallysrythistime.

Moving on, I have decided to write one blog post a week about recovery and how to go about it. I am calling this series of posts “Bad Bishez Recover” because I can. Also, I am not paying another $26 to get my old domain back. I am too poor WordPress. Cry about it.

Okay bye bishezzzzz,

Me (Best gal on insta)

I’ve Got Something to Say!!!

Leave a comment

So here we are. You and me. Together at a local restaurant. I am here to spend some quality time with you. Listen to your life, your problems, your blessings, your extremely embarrassing moments that are haunting you, but the ones that you just have to share.

Ugh, love the memories girlie!!1!1

I look down at my menu, and I see a fish sandwich. Totally delicious. Just totally. The waiter absolutely DASHES over to the table. He actually went into full on sprint mode, but I digress. He asks what I would like. I cut him off faster than Kanye could have. I obviously order the sandwich and fries… Obviously.

Baby, I can see your haloooo

But then, then something happens. You happen. You have something to say; I cannot wait to hear! I truly cannot.

You start with I’m actually an all natural, carb free, gluten free, GMO free, meat free, fried free, taste free, satisfaction free vegan. How wonderful for you! You are truly a health MODULEEEE. You continue on about how you are really saving the earth. You would consider yourself a young Michelle Obama or something along those lines. You talk about how it’s way (and you add extra emphasis on way) better to be vegan or else you are an animal killer. An animal mass murderer. AN ANIMAL AL CAPONE. You talk about how your meal is extraordinarily healthy. You talk about how many ~~great~~ benefits you are reaping from your healthy lifestyle, even though you haven’t had protein since Nickelback was popular (aka NEVER), you have been eating swedish fish every five minutes (NUTRITIOUS), and your idea of a vegetable is mint flavored coconut icecream. Lovely.

You- COMPLETELY spot on!!

All I can say is wow. You are so healthy. You are just like Jillian Michaels. JUST FREAKING LIKE HER. I would like to single-handedly pat you on the back, give you a ribbon, and nominate you for Time’s “Person of the Year”. You are a total rockstar. THANK YOU for sharing. So much. So, so, so much. I am incredibly enlightened and inspired, will throw in the towel of my sandwich, and convert to your plate of ice. A. S. A. P.

 

 

Enjoy, ya bish!

 

Protein Bars That Don’t Make You Want to Scorch Your Open Wounds in Vinegar

Leave a comment

Everyone and his mother is OBSESSED with protein bars. Every single #fitspo has some sort of coupon code for his protein bar that he claims to be the best ever to grace the earth. Well, do I have a shock for you.

99% of these protein bars taste like I just licked the absolute bottom of Gwen Stefani’s shoe, which probably means I am licking Blake Shelton’s shoe as well. And… SURPRISE! I am actually a guest judge on The Voice.

Anyways, I had to be immediately rushed to the ER after consuming these healthy and tasty “protein” creations. Not to mention that they left me clinging onto stomach thinking I had some sort of ulcer erupting inside of me.

That is why I am here to let you know that you’re not alone in the search for the perfect protein bar. I am here. I am a shoulder to lean on during these tough times. We WILL get through this.

Here is what you should without a single doubt in your mind be looking for in a protein bar:

  1. Make sure there is actually a trace of protein in your bar. I suggest at least 10g. Honestly though, I cringe and even tear up if there is not exactly and precisely 15g in my bar MINIMUM. Otherwise, you are eating a Snickers. I for one, think Snickers are the epitome of sewage. 
  2. Make sure there is not a crap ton of sugar in your bar. We are not trying to lasso in diabetes over here. You are not in the Wild West. 
  3. Make sure there is not a raging amount of fat in your bar. The point of a protein bar is to consume protein. There is a time and place for fat consumption. 
  4. Make sure the calories aren’t unnecessarily high. This is not a meal people… It is a mother freaking protein bar!
  5. Make sure you like the taste. If you do not want to face plant into this bar at least once a day, kick that bar to the curb.

Overall, protein bars can and will leave you feeling like you just gave birth to a ton of artificial garbage. My favorite protein bars that don’t do that are power crunch bars, cliff builder bars, and pure protein caramel bars. Honestly, quest bars are really overrated and the new formula caused my spleen to absolutely explode. If you can afford those, I say what the hay! But beware you could cause some SERIOUS stomach damage. 

Let me know what your favorite protein bars are!

Pce & mother friggin blezzinz,

Me

 

Ballad to My Freakin Salad

Leave a comment

So many people hate on salads. I think there may actually be a petition to eliminate all salad from the entire universe. I can understand why. Lettuce has pretty much no taste. If there is a taste, it is a vivid one comprising of dirt and maybe some rotten fungus. I am here to tell you this- salad does NOT have to be like this. Give it time, you will be able to change your thoughts on this seemingly pointless food creation.

First of all, you are going to want dressing. It disguises the taste of a leaf into a taste that leaves your old taste buds happy. My favorite dressing is lite Caesar dressing. It is all the fun of regular Caesar dressing with half the fat and what not. If you prefer regular dressing, that is completely fine. The more taste, the better.

The next step is choosing the dreaded freaking leaf. If you hate all salad, I would not suggest filling your bowl with kale right off the bat. I mean, it is a greener leaf, so the taste will be stronger. It will also possess more nutrients, but I say what the hay! Choose the leaf YOU want. There is more to life than how green your salad is everyone. Maybe you can work your way up to kale. Whatevs. I choose romaine lettuce because I like the crunchiness that comes along with it. By NO means is it chip crunchy. It is more of a wannabe crunch.

Finally, choose your toppings. I choose grated cheese and croutons because again, it helps with giving the old leaves some taste. There is nothing worse than biting straight into salad that has no taste. I would compare it to being burned alive… You just don’t want to have to go through that. Obviously, you then mix together the ingredients and eat it.

So all in all, this recipe is an elite one that I totally made up on my own. People call it “Caesar Salad”. Give it a whirl in your kitchen. You may actually come to love the simplicity of eating dirt infested leaves!

CAll me, beep me, if you wanna reach me,

Me

P.S.: My workouts are still great. I am still feeling the burn. I still feel pushed. Yada, yada, yada, I would not change anything.

Sippin That Drank

Leave a comment

As many of you may (or may not) know, I love drinking. I am a self proclaimed drinkaholic. Yes, that is completely different than being an alcoholic. I just love all drinks. Diet coke, water, sparkling juice, whatever it may be- I have the urge to funnel that stuff down my throat.

Sometimes, I think to myself, “What if I could just drink my food…?”. Well luckily for me, smoothies are totally in right now. It is all the rage to be healthy and nutritious and in shape. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but like anything, bad can come from it. There are always two sides to a coin. Moving on though, smoothies can be a great way to consume nutrients without feeling like you just bathed in a huge pile of kale.

For the past two days, I have been obsessed with “smilkshakes”. They are just like smoothies, except they possess absolutely no fruit. Not even a singular seed from a strawberry. Nothing. You are probably thinking, “What the heck even is a “smilkshake”,” or, “That just sounds stupid.” Well sorry to burst your bubble, but that name is ridiculously amazing. It definitely could win like the Noble Peace Prize. And to answer the question of what a “Smilkshake” consists of, here is the recipe!

Smilkshake Recipe:

  1. 1/2 cup vanilla unsweetened almond milk
  2. 1/2 cup fat free milk
  3. 1 scoop SLAP Nutrition PB protein powder
  4. 1 drop of vanilla extract
  5. 1&1/2 handful of ice

BLEND AND ENJOY YA BI$H.

Let me know what your favorite drink is, and be sure to try this DELISH recipe!

Ttyl ppl,

Me

P.S.: My workouts have been going just swimmingly. I am feeling the burn, so I cannot even complain.

Geez Louise!!! I am poor!

Leave a comment

I just got an email saying that I will have to pay $26 to keep this domain :”(. I am simply CRUSHED. I mean, I bought this domain last year for many reasons. “Considering It Pure Joy” means a lot more to me than a domain name. It means overcoming an eating disorder and trusting in God among other things. Apparently, it means $26 a year to WordPress. So great. I cannot afford to cough up that kind of money (lol you would think we are talking about something expensive). 

It is true. I am poor. My secret has been released to the public. I have $2 in my bank account. This type of shiz is SHAMEFUL. But of course, I won’t deny it is entirely my fault. I spend my money on gym accessories, health food, and makeup. Definitely not necessities. KIDDING they are. 

To sum up this brief post, I would like to start the hashtag #prayfor26. It is a great hashtag and really is inspiring. Like, you should all donate 1 dollar, and the dollars will add up; I will be able to keep this domain. So consider it, and PRAY YOUR HEARTS OUT. Lol #poor #girl #on #internet