Yesterday night, I had the wonderful idea to sign up for personal training at 5 in the morning today. I am very aware that it is normal to workout in the morning, but for me, it is a huge stretch. Like, I would normally rather place my hand onto a hot stove for twenty-seven hours than be at the gym at that time. Let’s be honest, I am not too great to be around before the sun rises unless you like looking at things that resemble monsters and ugliness.

But, I had this weird feeling in my soul that I was meant to workout at this time today. Probably because I like the idea of being one of those people who has their lives together and works out in the mornings and wears lulu lemon. When my alarm went off at 4:20 (blaze it sista frans amirite), I actually wanted to fall to my knees and sob. Instead, I put on my junior shirt from high school, which is totally the exact same thing as lulu lemon, and marched my butt to my electric vehicle. You know, the one all the cool kids are driving these days.

I got to the gym. I did the workout. My butt is now so sore I cannot even tell you this feeling I am experiencing. I am walking like there is a literal twig up my ass. I think I need to call an ambulance to take my to the walgreens urgent care if it gets more severe in the next few hours.

So, all is fine at this point. I am totally just a gal who has it all together since I worked out at this time. My life is totally not in shambles because of this one thing I did one time only. I sit on my couch, and pass the actual heck out. Not even my mom yelling at me to stop being lazy could wake me up. And her voice resembles like a mean Billy Ray Cyrus yelling if he was not country. It is brutal basically.

I wake up from my amazing slumber, look down at my phone, and realize it is 9:57. I am supposed to workout at 10. I look down at my outfit, realize I am wearing the same one as yesterday, change faster than I ever have, and race my butt to the gym. I have never decided on an outfit faster. It was truly a miracle.

When I get to the gym, I see my phone and realize that it is still the same day. It is still Friday. I had worked out four hours earlier. My dumb butt thought I slept through an entire day and woken up tomorrow. I actually wanted to take an axe to my neck, chop my head off, and throw it into a local canal because of all of the unnecessary stress I caused myself.

All in mother freaking all, I am quite the dumb b.

Have you had any experiences like mine? Let a b know!