Category: Home

I’m Back Bishez

Leave a comment

Ello mates (Yes, I’m Australian now)! It has literally been half a year. How the time flies when you are easily distracted. Recently, I have been receiving a lot of DMs and messages on Instagram regarding recovery, weight gain, etc. Probably because I am so popular and cool lolz. I have come to the realization that I could simply make blog posts about this ish, so my thoughts are a lot clearer and direct when I respond and not thrown together with horrific grammar.

First of all, some people have been commenting on my pictures from literally over a year ago, so I have had the chance to reread my captions from when I was extremely mentally unstable (lolz). I would like to publicly apologize for a lot of what I have posted. Specifying my calories and weight to the public was very ignorant and selfish of me. Coming from years of struggling with various eating disorders, I fully understand how harmful that can be to girls and boys who end up both consciously and subconsciously comparing their intakes and weights to mine. Every single person is so incredibly different. Everyone’s set-point weights are so different. For me to just go about posting this ish for the sole purpose of other people commenting things like “OMG no you’re totally skinny” was so selfish. I am very embarrassed and ashamed because I know better than that. So I am truly sorry to anyone who read those or followed me or even knew me during this time period #imactuallysrythistime.

Moving on, I have decided to write one blog post a week about recovery and how to go about it. I am calling this series of posts “Bad Bishez Recover” because I can. Also, I am not paying another $26 to get my old domain back. I am too poor WordPress. Cry about it.

Okay bye bishezzzzz,

Me (Best gal on insta)

I’ve Got Something to Say!!!

Leave a comment

So here we are. You and me. Together at a local restaurant. I am here to spend some quality time with you. Listen to your life, your problems, your blessings, your extremely embarrassing moments that are haunting you, but the ones that you just have to share.

Ugh, love the memories girlie!!1!1

I look down at my menu, and I see a fish sandwich. Totally delicious. Just totally. The waiter absolutely DASHES over to the table. He actually went into full on sprint mode, but I digress. He asks what I would like. I cut him off faster than Kanye could have. I obviously order the sandwich and fries… Obviously.

Baby, I can see your haloooo

But then, then something happens. You happen. You have something to say; I cannot wait to hear! I truly cannot.

You start with I’m actually an all natural, carb free, gluten free, GMO free, meat free, fried free, taste free, satisfaction free vegan. How wonderful for you! You are truly a health MODULEEEE. You continue on about how you are really saving the earth. You would consider yourself a young Michelle Obama or something along those lines. You talk about how it’s way (and you add extra emphasis on way) better to be vegan or else you are an animal killer. An animal mass murderer. AN ANIMAL AL CAPONE. You talk about how your meal is extraordinarily healthy. You talk about how many ~~great~~ benefits you are reaping from your healthy lifestyle, even though you haven’t had protein since Nickelback was popular (aka NEVER), you have been eating swedish fish every five minutes (NUTRITIOUS), and your idea of a vegetable is mint flavored coconut icecream. Lovely.

You- COMPLETELY spot on!!

All I can say is wow. You are so healthy. You are just like Jillian Michaels. JUST FREAKING LIKE HER. I would like to single-handedly pat you on the back, give you a ribbon, and nominate you for Time’s “Person of the Year”. You are a total rockstar. THANK YOU for sharing. So much. So, so, so much. I am incredibly enlightened and inspired, will throw in the towel of my sandwich, and convert to your plate of ice. A. S. A. P.

 

 

Enjoy, ya bish!

 

Fast food like yaaa

Leave a comment

If you are going out to eat, you can still reach your goals. Here is how:

1. Order grilled instead of fried. 

2. Order fruit or salad instead of chips. 

3. Only eat half and box the rest.

4. Utilize IIFYM. 

THERE ARE FOUR HELPFUL TIPS LOL

Protein Bars That Don’t Make You Want to Scorch Your Open Wounds in Vinegar

Leave a comment

Everyone and his mother is OBSESSED with protein bars. Every single #fitspo has some sort of coupon code for his protein bar that he claims to be the best ever to grace the earth. Well, do I have a shock for you.

99% of these protein bars taste like I just licked the absolute bottom of Gwen Stefani’s shoe, which probably means I am licking Blake Shelton’s shoe as well. And… SURPRISE! I am actually a guest judge on The Voice.

Anyways, I had to be immediately rushed to the ER after consuming these healthy and tasty “protein” creations. Not to mention that they left me clinging onto stomach thinking I had some sort of ulcer erupting inside of me.

That is why I am here to let you know that you’re not alone in the search for the perfect protein bar. I am here. I am a shoulder to lean on during these tough times. We WILL get through this.

Here is what you should without a single doubt in your mind be looking for in a protein bar:

  1. Make sure there is actually a trace of protein in your bar. I suggest at least 10g. Honestly though, I cringe and even tear up if there is not exactly and precisely 15g in my bar MINIMUM. Otherwise, you are eating a Snickers. I for one, think Snickers are the epitome of sewage. 
  2. Make sure there is not a crap ton of sugar in your bar. We are not trying to lasso in diabetes over here. You are not in the Wild West. 
  3. Make sure there is not a raging amount of fat in your bar. The point of a protein bar is to consume protein. There is a time and place for fat consumption. 
  4. Make sure the calories aren’t unnecessarily high. This is not a meal people… It is a mother freaking protein bar!
  5. Make sure you like the taste. If you do not want to face plant into this bar at least once a day, kick that bar to the curb.

Overall, protein bars can and will leave you feeling like you just gave birth to a ton of artificial garbage. My favorite protein bars that don’t do that are power crunch bars, cliff builder bars, and pure protein caramel bars. Honestly, quest bars are really overrated and the new formula caused my spleen to absolutely explode. If you can afford those, I say what the hay! But beware you could cause some SERIOUS stomach damage. 

Let me know what your favorite protein bars are!

Pce & mother friggin blezzinz,

Me

 

Ballad to My Freakin Salad

Leave a comment

So many people hate on salads. I think there may actually be a petition to eliminate all salad from the entire universe. I can understand why. Lettuce has pretty much no taste. If there is a taste, it is a vivid one comprising of dirt and maybe some rotten fungus. I am here to tell you this- salad does NOT have to be like this. Give it time, you will be able to change your thoughts on this seemingly pointless food creation.

First of all, you are going to want dressing. It disguises the taste of a leaf into a taste that leaves your old taste buds happy. My favorite dressing is lite Caesar dressing. It is all the fun of regular Caesar dressing with half the fat and what not. If you prefer regular dressing, that is completely fine. The more taste, the better.

The next step is choosing the dreaded freaking leaf. If you hate all salad, I would not suggest filling your bowl with kale right off the bat. I mean, it is a greener leaf, so the taste will be stronger. It will also possess more nutrients, but I say what the hay! Choose the leaf YOU want. There is more to life than how green your salad is everyone. Maybe you can work your way up to kale. Whatevs. I choose romaine lettuce because I like the crunchiness that comes along with it. By NO means is it chip crunchy. It is more of a wannabe crunch.

Finally, choose your toppings. I choose grated cheese and croutons because again, it helps with giving the old leaves some taste. There is nothing worse than biting straight into salad that has no taste. I would compare it to being burned alive… You just don’t want to have to go through that. Obviously, you then mix together the ingredients and eat it.

So all in all, this recipe is an elite one that I totally made up on my own. People call it “Caesar Salad”. Give it a whirl in your kitchen. You may actually come to love the simplicity of eating dirt infested leaves!

CAll me, beep me, if you wanna reach me,

Me

P.S.: My workouts are still great. I am still feeling the burn. I still feel pushed. Yada, yada, yada, I would not change anything.

Sippin That Drank

Leave a comment

As many of you may (or may not) know, I love drinking. I am a self proclaimed drinkaholic. Yes, that is completely different than being an alcoholic. I just love all drinks. Diet coke, water, sparkling juice, whatever it may be- I have the urge to funnel that stuff down my throat.

Sometimes, I think to myself, “What if I could just drink my food…?”. Well luckily for me, smoothies are totally in right now. It is all the rage to be healthy and nutritious and in shape. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but like anything, bad can come from it. There are always two sides to a coin. Moving on though, smoothies can be a great way to consume nutrients without feeling like you just bathed in a huge pile of kale.

For the past two days, I have been obsessed with “smilkshakes”. They are just like smoothies, except they possess absolutely no fruit. Not even a singular seed from a strawberry. Nothing. You are probably thinking, “What the heck even is a “smilkshake”,” or, “That just sounds stupid.” Well sorry to burst your bubble, but that name is ridiculously amazing. It definitely could win like the Noble Peace Prize. And to answer the question of what a “Smilkshake” consists of, here is the recipe!

Smilkshake Recipe:

  1. 1/2 cup vanilla unsweetened almond milk
  2. 1/2 cup fat free milk
  3. 1 scoop SLAP Nutrition PB protein powder
  4. 1 drop of vanilla extract
  5. 1&1/2 handful of ice

BLEND AND ENJOY YA BI$H.

Let me know what your favorite drink is, and be sure to try this DELISH recipe!

Ttyl ppl,

Me

P.S.: My workouts have been going just swimmingly. I am feeling the burn, so I cannot even complain.

TOTALLY Amazing Core Workout

Leave a comment

A lot of people have the misconception that you need to do a million and one core exercises to get abs. They think that if they do sit-ups every extra chance during the day they get, their abs will SOMEHOW appear later that same night. Well, all I have to say about that is you thought wrong, so please (PLEASE) do not waste your time doing these random things to try and “get abs”.

I want to start off this post by saying you CANNOT spot-target fat loss. I promise you it does not work that way. You cannot will your way into specifically losing fat from your stomach first. Sorry #imnotevensorry. You CAN exercise your abdominal muscles like you would your leg or even your arm muscles, and if you pair that with other exercises, you will see the best results. If you lower your body fat percentage, it is highly likely (but not guaranteed because every body is different in their compositions) that your abs will be visible.

So yes, my rant is over… ALMOST people. I also do not think it is healthy to be consumed by appearance or wanting abs so badly that you prioritize that want over your family and friends. There are healthy ways to achieve visible abs without going completely off the deep end. Do NOT freaking pull a Miley of the fitness world and change everything for something you cannot even see when you’re wearing clothing… which is 90% of the time (though she will always be my numero uno no matter what… pix to come of that).

A good ab workout that I like to complete on the reg only includes planks. No it is not some glamorous workout where I use all these machines and stuff (which I am not knocking those exercises; they do work). This is just a much simpler workout that you can do anywhere like on vacation, at your house, or even outside (whatever floats your boat)… kind of like Miley during her Hannah Montana days: always with wig… ready with wig for whenever AND whereeverrrrr. So freaking wig out and do this workout!!!

  • Regular plank (2 minutes)
  • Commandos (1 minute)
  • Side-step plank (2 minutes)
  • Right side plank (1 minute)
  • Left side plank (1 minute)

Repeat 4 times for optimal sweatiness!! You will be dying (or at least I always am).

I hope that I cleared a lot of nebulous ideas regarding abs. Please let me know if you enjoyed this workout if you end up trying it out and/or this post. If not, also let me know. I am open to any and all constructive criticism.

Thnks fr th Mmrs,

Me

Arm Workout YA GALZZ 

3 Comments

So I am sitting in LAX, and I’m thinking what better thing to do than write an arm workout?!? So here it goes-

Arm workouts are necessary. ESPECIALLY if you’re like me and hate training arms… (That probably means that you either already have good arms (not me) or have extremely weak arms that could be mistaken for a freaking pine straw twig (me). 

Because I fall into the second category, I try to build arm strength. Even though it. Sucks. A. Lot. 

A common arm workout that I do is:

  • dumbbell curl 4×10
  • Push-ups 4×10
  • Tricep dips 4×10
  • Decline push-ups 2×20
  • BOXING COMBOS 1093392829x aka until failure

I really do not enjoy working out my arms because it hurts them WAYYY too much for my personal comfort. This is because I have minimal arm strength lol. A reflection of where I am right now is that I am fine with mostly everything. My workouts are hard, but if it’s not hard/doesn’t push you outside of your comfort zone, you’re not going to grow. So by choosing the harder option of pushing myself in the gym, I’m choosing growth- both mentally and physically. 

Here is some photographic proof that I am in fact me, and I am in fact growing these ol muscles.