speak UP BISHEZ

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I am very annoyed with myself because I keep finding myself in situations where I fail to stand up for myself. (And yes, I did just use “myself” three times in the same sentence… Suck it Mrs. Brand!!!).

I could list many excuses as to why this reoccurs so often in my life. My favorites are that I am too lazy to say something. I am too tired to say something. I just forgot to say something. I use those three a bit too much on a daily basis.

But if I am honest with myself, it is because I am scared. I am scared of other people, and I am most definitely scared of those people being angry at me or raising their voices or throwing something or being violent. I just do not like to risk it WHATSOEVER.

That is a shitty way to live.

Knowing your worth is of the utmost importance. Standing up for yourself does not mean the other person will steal your credit card information, thus winding up stealing your identity (Lol… this was my excuse as to why I could not speak up once; I am not at all kidding). It means you will not allow people to treat you like an object, garbage, a third wheel, a side hoe… You get the point.

Do not live in fear. That is not living. Speak up, take the necessary risks, and TRUST, TRUST, TRUST that God makes all things work together for the good of those that believe in Him. (Trust is hard; trust is also worth the risk).

So, this could mean saying that no offense, but you do not actually like the dinner Mom (lol). This could also mean a lot more serious things. You decide what is appropriate for you, and act upon that.

What THE FREAKIN HECK…

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Scrolling through my instagram realizing that a large group of teenage/mid-twenties girls I follow are selling macro plans and “coaching” with absolutely NO qualifications whatsoever (um no, working out/competing/liking fitness/etc is ABSOLUTELY NOT a qualification) to not only the general population, but they are targeting girls with EDs/disordered habits… I am APPALLED.

First of all, gaining weight does not mean anything to me. No offense, but you could gain 0 pounds or 100 pounds or lose 3950 pounds and still be mentally stuck. Healthy weight with a sprinkle of abs does not equal recovery or a degree in dietetics. Gaining weight does not give you the right to be a “nutritional coach”. What in the absolute freaking HECK does that even mean?!?!?! My grandmother or my old fish, Sonya, could call themselves nutritional coaches because it takes NOTHING to be one. SO WHAT? You tell someone to eat veggies and protein for $250 a month? Freaking wow incredible advice you dumb, money hungry bish. (Lol so mad.)

I have said it once, and you bet I will say it again. DO NOT TRUST RANDOM GIRLS ON THE INTERNET WITH YOUR HEALTH. I personally understand and have experienced how listening to some random teenager’s advice on doing blahblahblah and eating blahblahblah can create some reallllllllllllly unhealthy habits that um take um a lot effort to um reverse (as in trying hard now) and blahblahblah.

So all in all, PLEASE… PLEASE do not trust “nutritionists”. Trust people with degrees, trust ACTUAL sources. plz plz plz. It is not worth your health and/or sanity. KKKKKKK BYEEEEEEEEEEE.

IMG_5288

also felt the need to show this picture i took one time of an ostrich. I was in WALKING DISTANCE BISHEZZZZZ.

I Eat ERRRRYTHANGGG

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Hello bishes. It’s been more than a week… SUE ME. I’ve been extremely busy as per usual, so there really is no excuse. But I am realllllly fired up about this topic of diets. I will try to control myself but um💁🏼. 

First of all, I am honestly BAFFLED as to how it is now more common to be vegan or vegetarian or paleo or gluten free or whatever the heck it may be than to just be. In my house alone, I have vegan, a vegetarian, and someone who is weird about sugar. No, none of these things are bad per say. Actually, I was vegan for four months and vegetarian for 2&1/2 years until the day I started prepping for my first competition. But, these diets are restricting. Very restricting. If you are recovering from any sort of restrictive ED, then you don’t need to be following them until you are mentally recovered. After that, do whatever the heck you want with your intake as long as you aren’t using these diets to restrict. 

For me, being vegan was easy. It allowed me to be in control and whatever. Same with vegetarianism. It just allows you to restrict certain food groups with no questions asked. No one concerns themselves with why you aren’t eating specific foods because it is the new normal to do so. I don’t even know why. This is very harmful because it is comfortable to stay within this diet, thus you are staying comfortable in restriction. You will make little to no mental progress. You’ll be mentally confined. The day I started prepping for my first competition is the day i made a lot of progress because I was forced to eat meat and a high fat macro split, both groups I used to avoid. Now I cannot imagine a day without minimum 4 TBLS of peanut butter and chicken with hot sauce. 

Basically, restricting certain foods or food groups and justifying it with veganism or paleo eating or whatever is not normal or healthy. Sorry. It isn’t. Although society now views all these types of diets as normal, know that you don’t have to follow them. Everyone is different and everyone’s backgrounds are different. I would never encourage anyone who has any sort of restrictive behaviors to jump on any of these diet band wagons. No food should ever be viewed as bad or off limits. Life is too short to ban carbs or fats or proteins or eggs or meat or cake. Live fully and just be an everything eater in moderation. Healthy is a relative term and no one knows your body and mindset better than you. K BYEEEE
My cabinet of fats above. 

Some icecream I had for breakfast above. 

I love all food groups and will never restrict any foods ever again lol🍦🍕💕🤘🏽🤑

Totes Good Advice!!!!

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Okay, well I am sitting in my school’s auditorium for the next hour waiting for everyone to finish their finals because I finished mine a tad early lol (hopefully a good thing😜). I thought, Me, what the heck you might as well write a post now while you have this chunk of time. 
I am going to touch on the importance of who you are following on social media and how who I follow and used to follow have impacted my own recovery K BISHEZ. 
Over the past year and even few weeks, I’ve really come to monitor who I am following. THIS IS VERY CRUCIAL. I really suggest following people who have already reached your goals, who are smarter than you, who are where you want to be. This is because you will not grow if you are surrounding your thoughts and mind with images and texts from people who don’t challenge you. The saying goes, “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room”. You need to apply that to social media. 
For example, if you’re trying to gain weight to reach weight restoration in recovery, you do NOT need to be following extremely underweight girls or boys. Like HELLLLLOOOOO. Why would you purposely cloud your mind with images of people who are going to hold you back? Follow people who are healthy weights and have healthy eating and exercising patterns.  
If you are a healthy weight DONT FREAKING FOLLOW girls and guys that are always posting about how they want to lose weight or are extremely large. Follow people who are comfortable in their own skin. You need to focus on your recovery, because without recovery you’ll be stuck with your eating disorder forever. NOT FUNNNN. One, five, ten, twenty years down the road do you want to be hospitalized thinking man I really should have given it my all back then. I’ve wasted MY WHOLE LIFE living with an eating disorder. Didn’t think so BISHEzz. 
Recently, I’ve had to unfollow some people that I consider to be friends with on social media. Was this hard? DUH BISHES. But it had to be done. I am not trying to hold onto my past. I needed to suck it up, face the challenge, and continue on with my recovery. Eating disorders are NOT a choice by ANY means, but recovery IS. YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE FREE MENTALLY. It is true. 
By unfollowing certain people and following others, it has helped me realize life is more than being underweight and miserable. It is more than only eating clean food every single meal ever. It is more than exercising every hour of every day. These things do not and will not fulfill you. I really encourage you to evaluate who you’re following and how following them makes you feel and adjust the list accordingly. IT CAN CHANGE YOOOOOO LIFE💃🏿💃🏿💃🏿. 

I’m Back Bishez

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Ello mates (Yes, I’m Australian now)! It has literally been half a year. How the time flies when you are easily distracted. Recently, I have been receiving a lot of DMs and messages on Instagram regarding recovery, weight gain, etc. Probably because I am so popular and cool lolz. I have come to the realization that I could simply make blog posts about this ish, so my thoughts are a lot clearer and direct when I respond and not thrown together with horrific grammar.

First of all, some people have been commenting on my pictures from literally over a year ago, so I have had the chance to reread my captions from when I was extremely mentally unstable (lolz). I would like to publicly apologize for a lot of what I have posted. Specifying my calories and weight to the public was very ignorant and selfish of me. Coming from years of struggling with various eating disorders, I fully understand how harmful that can be to girls and boys who end up both consciously and subconsciously comparing their intakes and weights to mine. Every single person is so incredibly different. Everyone’s set-point weights are so different. For me to just go about posting this ish for the sole purpose of other people commenting things like “OMG no you’re totally skinny” was so selfish. I am very embarrassed and ashamed because I know better than that. So I am truly sorry to anyone who read those or followed me or even knew me during this time period #imactuallysrythistime.

Moving on, I have decided to write one blog post a week about recovery and how to go about it. I am calling this series of posts “Bad Bishez Recover” because I can. Also, I am not paying another $26 to get my old domain back. I am too poor WordPress. Cry about it.

Okay bye bishezzzzz,

Me (Best gal on insta)

I’ve Got Something to Say!!!

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So here we are. You and me. Together at a local restaurant. I am here to spend some quality time with you. Listen to your life, your problems, your blessings, your extremely embarrassing moments that are haunting you, but the ones that you just have to share.

Ugh, love the memories girlie!!1!1

I look down at my menu, and I see a fish sandwich. Totally delicious. Just totally. The waiter absolutely DASHES over to the table. He actually went into full on sprint mode, but I digress. He asks what I would like. I cut him off faster than Kanye could have. I obviously order the sandwich and fries… Obviously.

Baby, I can see your haloooo

But then, then something happens. You happen. You have something to say; I cannot wait to hear! I truly cannot.

You start with I’m actually an all natural, carb free, gluten free, GMO free, meat free, fried free, taste free, satisfaction free vegan. How wonderful for you! You are truly a health MODULEEEE. You continue on about how you are really saving the earth. You would consider yourself a young Michelle Obama or something along those lines. You talk about how it’s way (and you add extra emphasis on way) better to be vegan or else you are an animal killer. An animal mass murderer. AN ANIMAL AL CAPONE. You talk about how your meal is extraordinarily healthy. You talk about how many ~~great~~ benefits you are reaping from your healthy lifestyle, even though you haven’t had protein since Nickelback was popular (aka NEVER), you have been eating swedish fish every five minutes (NUTRITIOUS), and your idea of a vegetable is mint flavored coconut icecream. Lovely.

You- COMPLETELY spot on!!

All I can say is wow. You are so healthy. You are just like Jillian Michaels. JUST FREAKING LIKE HER. I would like to single-handedly pat you on the back, give you a ribbon, and nominate you for Time’s “Person of the Year”. You are a total rockstar. THANK YOU for sharing. So much. So, so, so much. I am incredibly enlightened and inspired, will throw in the towel of my sandwich, and convert to your plate of ice. A. S. A. P.

 

 

Enjoy, ya bish!

 

Fast food like yaaa

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If you are going out to eat, you can still reach your goals. Here is how:

1. Order grilled instead of fried. 

2. Order fruit or salad instead of chips. 

3. Only eat half and box the rest.

4. Utilize IIFYM. 

THERE ARE FOUR HELPFUL TIPS LOL

Protein Bars That Don’t Make You Want to Scorch Your Open Wounds in Vinegar

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Everyone and his mother is OBSESSED with protein bars. Every single #fitspo has some sort of coupon code for his protein bar that he claims to be the best ever to grace the earth. Well, do I have a shock for you.

99% of these protein bars taste like I just licked the absolute bottom of Gwen Stefani’s shoe, which probably means I am licking Blake Shelton’s shoe as well. And… SURPRISE! I am actually a guest judge on The Voice.

Anyways, I had to be immediately rushed to the ER after consuming these healthy and tasty “protein” creations. Not to mention that they left me clinging onto stomach thinking I had some sort of ulcer erupting inside of me.

That is why I am here to let you know that you’re not alone in the search for the perfect protein bar. I am here. I am a shoulder to lean on during these tough times. We WILL get through this.

Here is what you should without a single doubt in your mind be looking for in a protein bar:

  1. Make sure there is actually a trace of protein in your bar. I suggest at least 10g. Honestly though, I cringe and even tear up if there is not exactly and precisely 15g in my bar MINIMUM. Otherwise, you are eating a Snickers. I for one, think Snickers are the epitome of sewage. 
  2. Make sure there is not a crap ton of sugar in your bar. We are not trying to lasso in diabetes over here. You are not in the Wild West. 
  3. Make sure there is not a raging amount of fat in your bar. The point of a protein bar is to consume protein. There is a time and place for fat consumption. 
  4. Make sure the calories aren’t unnecessarily high. This is not a meal people… It is a mother freaking protein bar!
  5. Make sure you like the taste. If you do not want to face plant into this bar at least once a day, kick that bar to the curb.

Overall, protein bars can and will leave you feeling like you just gave birth to a ton of artificial garbage. My favorite protein bars that don’t do that are power crunch bars, cliff builder bars, and pure protein caramel bars. Honestly, quest bars are really overrated and the new formula caused my spleen to absolutely explode. If you can afford those, I say what the hay! But beware you could cause some SERIOUS stomach damage. 

Let me know what your favorite protein bars are!

Pce & mother friggin blezzinz,

Me

 

Ballad to My Freakin Salad

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So many people hate on salads. I think there may actually be a petition to eliminate all salad from the entire universe. I can understand why. Lettuce has pretty much no taste. If there is a taste, it is a vivid one comprising of dirt and maybe some rotten fungus. I am here to tell you this- salad does NOT have to be like this. Give it time, you will be able to change your thoughts on this seemingly pointless food creation.

First of all, you are going to want dressing. It disguises the taste of a leaf into a taste that leaves your old taste buds happy. My favorite dressing is lite Caesar dressing. It is all the fun of regular Caesar dressing with half the fat and what not. If you prefer regular dressing, that is completely fine. The more taste, the better.

The next step is choosing the dreaded freaking leaf. If you hate all salad, I would not suggest filling your bowl with kale right off the bat. I mean, it is a greener leaf, so the taste will be stronger. It will also possess more nutrients, but I say what the hay! Choose the leaf YOU want. There is more to life than how green your salad is everyone. Maybe you can work your way up to kale. Whatevs. I choose romaine lettuce because I like the crunchiness that comes along with it. By NO means is it chip crunchy. It is more of a wannabe crunch.

Finally, choose your toppings. I choose grated cheese and croutons because again, it helps with giving the old leaves some taste. There is nothing worse than biting straight into salad that has no taste. I would compare it to being burned alive… You just don’t want to have to go through that. Obviously, you then mix together the ingredients and eat it.

So all in all, this recipe is an elite one that I totally made up on my own. People call it “Caesar Salad”. Give it a whirl in your kitchen. You may actually come to love the simplicity of eating dirt infested leaves!

CAll me, beep me, if you wanna reach me,

Me

P.S.: My workouts are still great. I am still feeling the burn. I still feel pushed. Yada, yada, yada, I would not change anything.

Sippin That Drank

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As many of you may (or may not) know, I love drinking. I am a self proclaimed drinkaholic. Yes, that is completely different than being an alcoholic. I just love all drinks. Diet coke, water, sparkling juice, whatever it may be- I have the urge to funnel that stuff down my throat.

Sometimes, I think to myself, “What if I could just drink my food…?”. Well luckily for me, smoothies are totally in right now. It is all the rage to be healthy and nutritious and in shape. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but like anything, bad can come from it. There are always two sides to a coin. Moving on though, smoothies can be a great way to consume nutrients without feeling like you just bathed in a huge pile of kale.

For the past two days, I have been obsessed with “smilkshakes”. They are just like smoothies, except they possess absolutely no fruit. Not even a singular seed from a strawberry. Nothing. You are probably thinking, “What the heck even is a “smilkshake”,” or, “That just sounds stupid.” Well sorry to burst your bubble, but that name is ridiculously amazing. It definitely could win like the Noble Peace Prize. And to answer the question of what a “Smilkshake” consists of, here is the recipe!

Smilkshake Recipe:

  1. 1/2 cup vanilla unsweetened almond milk
  2. 1/2 cup fat free milk
  3. 1 scoop SLAP Nutrition PB protein powder
  4. 1 drop of vanilla extract
  5. 1&1/2 handful of ice

BLEND AND ENJOY YA BI$H.

Let me know what your favorite drink is, and be sure to try this DELISH recipe!

Ttyl ppl,

Me

P.S.: My workouts have been going just swimmingly. I am feeling the burn, so I cannot even complain.